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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26710618">Dear Cap</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_Day/pseuds/Artemis_Day'>Artemis_Day</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Darcy Lewis Is a Good Bro, E-mail, Epistolary, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Letters, September Epistolary Challenge, it's not that important, seriously don't worry about it, vague timeline</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:55:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,147</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26710618</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_Day/pseuds/Artemis_Day</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dear Cap, </p><p>Hi, I'm Darcy Lewis. I'm writing to you because I'm drunk.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>305</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Letters of Note</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dear Cap</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for the September Epistolary event in the Darcyverse discord server.</p><p>Hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dear Captain America,</p><p>Or would you prefer Dear Steve?</p><p>Actually, that might be too informal. Is there a middle ground between personal and impersonal here?</p><p>Wait, I got it!</p><p>Dear Cap,</p><p>Hi, my name is Darcy Lewis. I am writing to you because I'm drunk.</p><p>Okay, well, actually I've been meaning to write to you ever since I saw this mailbox feature on your official website. By the way, did you have any say in how the website was designed? Because no offense, but the interface kind of sucks. Also, it keeps randomly logging me out? I don't know if you're in touch with the tech guys, but maybe you should bring this up on your next coffee break…</p><p>Wow, I really am drunk. I forgot for a second who I was talking to.</p><p>Anyway, I'm Darcy. I'm a grad student (almost) and I'm a really big fan. I just wanted to say that you have the prettiest eyes in the whole entire world. Like so pretty. Amazingly pretty. If your eyes were an ocean I would swim in them. If they were a lake I'd go fishing in them. I'm pretty sure I was going somewhere with this, but I'm nodding off now thinking about fried catfish. That shit is good. Have you ever tried it?</p><p>Uh-oh, my boss is back. She doesn't want me using her laptop to send love notes to celebrities. She's so lame (Nah, just kidding, she's cool). But yeah, guess I'm signing off. Have a wonderful night, empty digital void this message will no doubt go to. I love you very much!</p><p>Darcy</p><hr/><p>Dear Darcy,</p><p>I'm sure you didn't expect to get a response from me and honestly, I'm not sure why I'm responding.</p><p>It's nothing against you, but when I read the kind of things people send me, it puts me off to the whole idea of fanmail. You can only get so many pairs of women's underwear before it gets old.</p><p>That being said, your letter stuck out to me. I've never gotten one from a drunk person before. Or at least, never from someone who freely admitted to being drunk. It made me laugh, which I hope was your intention. Also, I wanted to thank you for commenting on my eyes rather than my ass. At this point, it's been compared to pretty much every type of food imaginable, up to and including a zucchini.</p><p>I do think that person might have been drunk, but again, they didn't say so.</p><p>I hope you'll be sober when you get this as I'd like to read a more coherent letter from you. I have a feeling you have a lot of interesting things to say. With the way my life is going right now, I could use a few more laughs. Or just a normal conversation in general.</p><p>Below is my email address. You can send your reply there. I'm still trying to figure out this internet thing, so hopefully, this letter actually gets to you. To answer your question, I am in touch with the people running this website, but only because they keep begging me to do an AMA on their subreddit, whatever that means.</p><p>I hope to hear back from you soon.</p><p>Sincerely,</p><p>Captain Steve Rogers, US Army</p><p>PS: I do enjoy catfish, though I'm more partial to halibut.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>How do I know you're real?</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>I'm sorry? You want me to prove my identity?</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>I just said that, didn't I? If you're really Steve Rogers, send me a pic.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>You mean a photo? Sure, I can do that.</p><p>How should I send it to you?</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>Attach it to the next email you send. Use the paper clip icon on the toolbar. If you have a webcam, use that, and I'm telling you right now, if I get one hit with a reverse google search, I am blocking your ass faster than you can say 'America'.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>
  <em>1 Attachment: hello_png</em>
</p><p>Will this work?</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>...fuck.</p><p>Holy fuck.</p><p>Holy fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.</p><p>Uh… okay. Seems like you're real.</p><p>I honestly didn't expect that.</p><p>I'm probably going to rewrite this email six thousand times trying not to sound too hysterical, but okay! This is happening…</p><p>Oh boy, my boss is never going to believe me.</p><p>Well, since you're real, I should say that shirt you're wearing looks great on you. Really brings out your abs.</p><p>Actually, maybe I shouldn't say that. (NOTE: delete this once you've finished writing. DO NOT FORGET!)</p><p>Well, since you're real, I should say that you are an inspiration to us all with your heroic and patriotic ways, and every time I see your face I salute it. (Perfect…)</p><p>I mean, one time I didn't, but that was because I was late for debate club and in a bit of a hurry… actually, there's a funny story behind that. See, in my freshman year of college, I joined the school debate team. There were about twelve of us from all four years (and one guy who I think was on his sixth) and we'd debate the usual things like politics, social issues, etc. One day a month, though, we'd have 'Freestyle Friday' where we'd debate pretty much whatever random, inane thing was on our minds.</p><p>Most of the time, the topics were food-related (e.g. smooth or chunky peanut butter, is pineapple a pizza topping, etc.). One time, two girls got into a fistfight over which Doctor Who companion was the best. I've never watched a single episode of that show so I mostly stayed out of it. The girl who supported Donna Noble made one hell of an argument, though (and she had a great right hook).</p><p>So this month, it was my turn, and I had the perfect topic all picked out: If vampires need to be invited into your home to get you, can you invite them into hotel rooms?</p><p>See, I thought it was pretty clear that no you can't. You don't own a hotel room and you're probably only going to be there for a couple of days. But then it turned out one of the other girls had lived out of hotels for a few years, staying in one place for months at a time before moving on. So every hotel she stayed at was technically her home, albeit temporarily. Therefore, if a vampire came to her door, she could invite him in.</p><p>The general idea I guess is that home is less about whose name is on the property and more about who lives there or something philosophical like that. I don't know, but it was a really fun day and we had some great conversations. I really miss that class. The year after, the professor in charge moved to another school and the new guy got rid of Freestyle Friday because he thought it was 'frivolous'. His face was frivolous…</p><p>Oh boy, I'm good.</p><p>Anyway, I won't keep rambling. I'm sure you have a lot of hero-ing to do today. Plus, I'm still reeling from the fact that you are indeed you and my hands are shaking too much to keep typing.</p><p>If you ever have time to write back (it's cool if you don't) then there's something very important I need to know.</p><p>As a true blue New Yorker, perhaps the truest and bluest to ever live, please settle this for me:</p><p>Pineapple pizza. Yay or nay?</p><p>Your friend(?),</p><p>Darcy</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>Dear Darcy,</p><p>I'm sorry if I scared you. I figured that picture would prove that I'm real but I didn't think it would hit you so hard. There are still a lot of things about modern life that I'm trying to figure out. I know that's no excuse, but it's all the explanation I can give.</p><p>Anyway, that sounds like a fun club. Sorry to hear about what happened to it. I don't know what his face has to do with anything, but that professor does sound like an asshole. I had an art teacher like him once who hated it when I drew things the wrong color. He'd get this look on his face like he just sucked a lemon and then tell me what color I was 'supposed' to use. Sometimes I'd draw purple skies and orange grass just to annoy him. I could tell he wanted to curse me out, but he never did. Probably because I was only five.</p><p>I can't answer the vampire question (I don't know all that much about them), but as for pineapple pizza, I can tell you that the New Yorker in me is disgusted by the very idea of putting fruit anywhere near a pizza. Doesn't matter what it is. That being said, traveling around the world and being at war, I've had to eat a lot of things I never thought I could stomach. Some of it was actually really good. So while it might get me executed in some corners of Brooklyn, I'd be willing to give pineapple pizza a shot.</p><p>I wanted to thank you again for messaging me. This week has been stressful in ways I can't describe (literally- it's all classified), and your letter was a breath of fresh air. It feels like I'm talking about myself too much, so what don't you tell me more about you? You said something about your boss before. What kind of work do you do?</p><p>Also, I started a list of books, movies, and shows to watch in order to get caught up on everything. Do you have any recommendations?</p><p>Your friend(yes),</p><p>Steve</p><p>PS: Thanks for the compliment. I like this shirt, too.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>
  <em>2 Attachments: THEBIGGESTRECLISTINTHEWORLD_docx, it's-my-face-ha_jpg</em>
</p><p>...okay, let's pretend that abs comment never happened.</p><p>Not that I'm taking it back… I mean, I am taking it back… see, this is what I get for not deleting things immediately. I'm sure I have a story about this sort of thing screwing me over somewhere…</p><p>Well anyway, you've come to the right place for movie and TV show recs. In addition to being an expert college student and unpaid intern, I am also a board-certified pop culture junkie. At least that's what Jane says. Jane is my boss, by the way. She's an astrophysicist and I live with her in the desert where we look for signs of wormholes. I know that sounds nuts, but she makes a very convincing argument that her theories are legit. It's made for a much more interesting summer than I was expecting. We even met some Norse gods, but that's another story.</p><p>So you'll notice on my list, I divided everything into sections. We have:</p><p><strong>Well-Regarded Classics<br/></strong><strong>Underrated Classics<br/></strong><strong>Overrated Classics </strong>(in my opinion at least, but you can decide for yourself)<strong><br/></strong><strong>Brain Rotting Nonsense<br/></strong><strong>Thought-Provoking Nonsense<br/></strong><strong>Required Reading From School That I Hate<br/></strong><strong>Required Reading From School That Was Okay<br/></strong><strong>Books That Would've Been Required Reading If Public Schools Weren't Cowards<br/></strong><strong>Books That Will Never Be Required Reading Because They're Full Of Zombies And Magic And Stuff<br/></strong><strong>Harry Potter</strong></p><p>That's a very basic list and I haven't gotten into the nitty-gritty yet, but if you want to play catch-up, anything on this list is a fair bet.</p><p>Let me know if you ever need more. I'd keep talking but Jane is bugging me about using her laptop again. I swear, if I didn't like working with her so much, I'd start demanding benefits.</p><p>Write back soon!</p><p>Your friend for life,</p><p>Darcy</p><p>PS: I figured you should know what I look like, so I included a picture. For the record, that is not blood on my shirt. I spilled cherry soda on it a year ago and the stain never really came out, but it's my favorite pajama shirt so I still wear it.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>Wow, you're really beautiful.</p><p>So… I took the liberty of counting every single title on your list and with all the sections combined, it comes out to four hundred and thirty-two.</p><p>If these are just the basics, I'm almost scared to see the nitty-gritty.</p><p>With the way things are going for me right now, doing classified government work, and taking on classified missions to fight classified threats, I don't have as much time for myself as I'd like. I did have the night off yesterday, so I picked a movie at random from your list and managed to find it at the local library.</p><p>It was Shoot 'Em Up, and I have to say… that was interesting. I don't think I've ever seen that many guns in one setting. Not even during the war.</p><p>Okay, I might be exaggerating, but I've definitely never seen anyone fire bullets from between their fingers and blow out a man's stomach. That was new to me. So was the part where he has a gunfight in the middle of sex. I'm pretty sure that's not realistic. Not that I've ever tried, nor would I, but… you know, the more I think about it, the more I realize it's not supposed to make sense.</p><p>Speaking of which, why did you put it under 'Thought-Provoking Nonsense?'.</p><p>I'd love to write more, but I have to go to a meeting. Tell me more about your internship. It sounds fascinating.</p><p>Your Friend,</p><p>Steve</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>Heheh… should I assume that beautiful comment was also an accident?</p><p>Not that I'm not flattered or anything but after the abs comment… you know what? Forget it. I'm just going to move on before I humiliate myself to death.</p><p>Shoot 'Em Up is thought-provoking nonsense because, in addition to being a pastiche of action movies, it provides subtle commentary on gun control and the dangers of political corruption. Also because ever since I saw Clive Owen kill someone by shoving a carrot through the back of their throat, I've had many a sleepless night wrestling with it.</p><p>Might I suggest Hot Fuzz next?</p><p>Anyway, you wouldn't believe what happened at work the other day.</p><p>Remember when I said that my boss was an astrophysicist? Well, she used to be kind of on the fringe of things, but recently people have been taking her a lot more seriously. I think it has to do with the Norse god thing, but I don't know.</p><p>So yesterday, this guy from the agency that's funding us came to visit. He said he was running a routine inspection on Jane's equipment and he needed the blueprints if she had them. I know Jane has a few laying around, but I also know she isn't eager to have her work stolen by sketchy government agents again (don't ask, long story). She told him they were in a lockbox back at Culver University, which is BS for a number of reasons, but somehow the guy bought it. Then he started asking her to tell him in detail how she made each piece of equipment as if she's supposed to remember that off the top of her head.</p><p>It would take too long to transcribe the rest of the conversation, but the short version is that the dude got really condescending and implied that Jane and her research were a waste of his company's time so she should show a little respect and blah blah blah.</p><p>Jane took exception to that.</p><p>Major exception.</p><p>I wish I knew all the words she was using but they were either big and sciency or words I'm pretty sure would be considered rude in other languages.</p><p>To give you an idea, it went something like this:</p><p>"Do you even understand the magnitude of SCIENCE THING or SCIENCE THING. This is not just some SCIENCE THING we're talking about here, it's a SCIENCE THING SCIENCE THING SCIENCE THING. So you'd better get with the program, pal, and tell all your little friends to do the same or else SCIENCE THING SCIENCE THING.</p><p>Man, Jane is badass.</p><p>I wish I understood all the ways in which she is badass.</p><p>And the best part is, she made the guy cry! I'm not joking, he was nearly in tears when he left.</p><p>I don't know if he'll be the one doing the next inspection, but I don't think Jane'll have to worry about him giving her attitude ever again.</p><p>Anyway, hope that amused you as much as it did me. I have my own classified work to get to now, so I'll sign off. Let me know if you watch any more movies! Read some books, too. Staring at a screen all day is bad for your eyes.</p><p>Your Friend,</p><p>Darcy</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>Dear Darcy,</p><p>Don't worry, I do read books. I'm actually in the middle of The Night Circus right now. Thanks for the recommendation. I'm really enjoying it so far.</p><p>God, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. That guy sounds like a fucking asshole (pardon my language). If I was there, I'd have given him a piece of my mind. Not saying I'd punch him, but… well yeah, I'd probably punch him.</p><p>Speaking of which, I have a story of my own today.</p><p>So at the main base, they have a cafeteria. The food isn't great, but they always serve a lot of it, and I'm someone who needs extra calories every day to stay active. I had just finished some training exercises and I was absolutely starving. I hadn't eaten since that morning and it was just a few strips of bacon and four pancakes. I walked into the cafeteria and immediately some guy I'd never seen before started shit-talking me.</p><p>It was the usual stuff: I'm not a real soldier, I'm just a showgirl in tights, calling me pretentious because I think I'm better than everyone. I don't know where he got that idea and I would've asked, but I was exhausted and hungry and he was blocking my way. I asked him to please move and he said, 'make me'.</p><p>So I punched him.</p><p>I didn't hit him too hard, just enough to wind him. A couple of his friends came to get him and none of them said anything to me. They wouldn't even look me in the eye. I thought I might get written up, but no one ever said anything. I figure he was a new recruit who wanted to prove he was hot shit. Sometimes I think I should apologize, but I don't think I will. At least not until it's his turn to train with me.</p><p>I don't have anything else to report, but I will be offline for the next few days while I'm on a 'business trip'. I'd tell you more, but that would require several non-disclosure agreements.</p><p>Hope things get easier for you and Jane, but if they don't, let me know. I'm good at giving assholes a stern talking to.</p><p>Steve</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>I'm not gonna keep you since I know you're busy, but dude… you need some stress relief.</p><p>Please understand I am not saying you shouldn't have punched that guy. Actually, I am. You should've kicked him in the balls, but that's neither here nor there.</p><p>What I'm saying is that as soon as you get back from this super-secret spy mission of yours, before you do anything else (and that includes writing to me) I want you to take a nice, long bath, rub all the aches out of those giant muscles of yours. Then I want you to take the longest nap of your entire life. When you wake up, have a giant breakfast and go for a walk.</p><p>If you're not into any of that, go to a massage parlor. Or do some yoga. Or watch wrestling. Or throw Molotov cocktails at a wall in an empty field.</p><p>Just do whatever helps you relax. Don't do anything work-related until you are completely and totally relaxed. I don't care if the world is ending, just take some time for yourself.</p><p>I hope I don't sound too much like a mom. I just want you to be happy and healthy because I care about you.</p><p>Good luck on your mission, and remember everything I said. Read this twelve times if you have to. It's important!</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>Hi Darcy,</p><p>Sorry I haven't written in a while. Remember that secret mission I was telling you about? It went on much longer than I thought. I only just got home yesterday and you'll be happy to know the first thing I did was fall into bed and sleep for twelve hours.</p><p>Of course, the first thing I did after waking up was start this email. I haven't even had breakfast yet, so maybe you won't be so happy.</p><p>I wanted to thank you again for taking the time to talk to me. I wish I had more to say back. Ninety-five percent of my missions are classified, and the other five percent is just paperwork. No more rookies cornering me in the cafeteria either.</p><p>I have the next two days off (assuming nothing comes up) so I plan to spend them taking that bath you mentioned and reading one of the books on your list. I finished The Night Circus on the flight back (loved it). Now I'm thinking of starting Red Rising. Or maybe Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Whichever one I find at the library first.</p><p>I'm getting hungry. Think I might have some bacon and eggs. Maybe a few waffles, too. And some toast. Can't forget toast. Now that I think about it, I might be out of orange juice. Should go to the store.</p><p>Sorry, I'm rambling. I think I'm more tired than I realize.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>Two things.</p><p>One, yes I want you to eat before you write me. Next time add pancakes.</p><p>Two, I have homework for you.</p><p>I'm glad to see you're making use of my rec list, but it occurred to me the other day that you might just be saying you use it and then not actually doing it. Don't get me wrong, I trust you, but people have lied to me about stupider shit before (remind me to tell you one day why I broke up with my high school boyfriend).</p><p>So here's what I want you do:</p><p>You're going to watch a movie. Let's say… 13 Going on 30. I know the title is weird, but it's actually one of my favorite rom coms and I've watched it twenty times.</p><p>You will watch it all the way through, and then I want you to message me with three things you liked about it. And I mean specific things. Not like 'the characters were good' or some copout like that. Why are they good? What jokes made you laugh? How did you feel about the ending?</p><p>Don't try to make stuff up either. I have that movie memorized back to front so I'll know if you're lying. In fact, I'm going to re-watch it myself so my memory will be fresh.</p><p>I expect your report in exactly twenty-four hours (secret missions permitting). If you go over that time I will be docking your grade.</p><p>Don't let me down!</p><p>Darcy</p><p>PS: Make some popcorn. Or get some candy. I don't know, just something salty and unhealthy. It's not a true movie night without it.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>You're one tough teacher, huh?</p><p>I know I'm an hour past the deadline, but I went for a run before putting on the movie and I lost track of time.</p><p>Anyway, here are three things I liked about it:</p><p>The boyfriend seemed like a good guy. The part where they're on the swings together made me smile. I feel like this kind of movie isn't made for people like me, but it did bring me back to some of the good times in my childhood.</p><p>The music was interesting. Like when they're all dancing to that one song. I think it's called Thriller? I'm told it's a big deal.</p><p>I liked the main character. She reminded me of you a little. Kind of flighty on the outside, but you can tell how smart, kind, and loving she is. When she was willing to give him up at the end, I really felt for her. It showed how much she'd matured as a person that she could give up her own happiness for the sake of someone else. Those are the best kind of people. The ones who truly deserve a happy ending.</p><p>And if you don't mind hearing about something I didn't like, I was disappointed when her friend betrayed her and stole her ideas. I suppose it was inevitable (she was never very nice was she?), but part of me hoped she was better than that. I guess not.</p><p>I hope that's what you were looking for. I had fun with this. Feel free to give me homework again sometime.</p><p>Steve</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>You did good. You did very good. I'm proud of you.</p><p>And thank you for saying that about me. I really needed it today.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>
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</p><p>Hey!</p><p>When you get a minute, can you tell me what you think of this dress? I have a date on Saturday and I want to look somewhat presentable. If this one isn't good, I have more.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>Hey Darcy,</p><p>I only just got the chance to look at my email. Sorry about that. You look amazing in that dress and your date is a lucky guy. You're going to knock his socks off.</p><p>I'll try to message you again soon, but I don't know when it'll be. In the meantime, have a wonderful night.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>Okay, I know you're still busy punching bad guys and driving motorcycles through windows, but I need to vent.</p><p>Remember back when that guy was messing with Jane and she tore him a new one? Well, he hasn't come back and his replacement is a thousand times worse.</p><p>Not in the 'oh I'm going to patronize you and belittle your work because I have a penis and you don't' kind of way. It's more like 'I will report every little thing you do that I don't like because nobody loves me and I haven't gotten laid in sixteen years' kind of way.</p><p>Some of his typical complaints include:</p><p>My shoelaces being untied in the lab (apparently it's a safety hazard).</p><p>Jane leaving a bowl of pretzels on one of the work tables.</p><p>The windows were open an inch too high.</p><p>Jane's inbox was unorganized (okay that one isn't completely unfair. Jane barely ever deletes her spam mail).</p><p>Her new equipment has to be cleaned three times a week in order to 'maintain optimal functionality' or something like that..</p><p>My phone vibrating while I was giving him a status report.</p><p>That last one was yesterday and it was complete bullshit because I didn't even answer it and I'd been nice enough to put my phone on silent for his visit. But no, because I didn't power it down, I'm clearly disrespecting him and everything we stand for. As if he's any part in Jane's research beyond taking notes on an iPad.</p><p>Anyway, he was getting on my case about the phone thing, and I was already pretty pissed off that day. You ever had one of those days where everything seems to go wrong? This was one of them. That morning alone, I lost my favorite pen, ran out of cereal for breakfast, and when I tried to go to the store, I tripped over a rock and scratched one of the lenses on my glasses. And they didn't have the kind I wanted anyway.</p><p>So as you can imagine, I was not in the mood to listen to this guy. He starts lecturing me like he's my dad, all about taking my work seriously and being professional. As if I don't already do that? And I'm just standing there thinking about all the sharp objects within reach that I can stab him with. Thing is, he never stopped talking for more than half a second, and the whole time, he did not blink.</p><p>Not once!</p><p>If I hadn't already seen him eating nachos at the diner I'd think he was a robot.</p><p>After twenty minutes, he asked me if I understood what he was telling me, which is where I was supposed to say 'yes, sir. Of course, sir,' like I'd been doing the past few weeks.</p><p>Instead, I said, 'go fuck yourself.'</p><p>And his jaw just dropped. I swear to god, it was the funniest thing I've ever seen. He started babbling and waving his iPad and trying to chew me out (I think), but it was all stuck behind his tongue so he just sounded drunk and mad about it</p><p>Here's the best part, though. Jane came in from the other room (she'd been doing maintenance checks) and when she saw the guy making fish faces she asked me what happened.</p><p>I told her.</p><p>She looked at me and said, "Oh, good." And then she gave the guy her report and thanked him for coming.</p><p>I have never seen him leave so quietly. It was amazing.</p><p>I was so proud of Jane. I wanted to take her out for drinks to celebrate, but she's not much for alcohol so she stuck with soda</p><p>I'd love to get drinks with you one day now that I think about it. I know you have that super metabolism thing going on, but we can get some of those fruity drinks that almost taste good. What's a few fancy cocktails between friends, amirite?</p><p>Anyway, that's my story. If you get this before your mission ends, I hope it brightens your day a little. If you get it after, write back ASAP. I miss you.</p><p>(Eat a balanced breakfast and get eight hours of sleep first.)</p><p>Darcy</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>I read it before the mission was complete and it did make my day. I got home yesterday and went right to bed. That was about five minutes to midnight and I woke up at quarter to nine. Then I had two eggs over easy with wheat toast, hash browns, three strips of bacon, and a small fruit bowl.</p><p>I hope that's enough.</p><p>I wish I could give you an equally hilarious work story, but I'm afraid I don't have any. No, not even classified information. This was a pretty run of the mill assignment and everything went according to plan. Makes for easy reconnaissance but not very interesting stories.</p><p>I was wondering about that date you went on if you don't mind me asking. I hope it went well. I would tell you to be careful, but you don't need to hear that from me. You're one of the smartest people I know after all.</p><p>I'm going out for a run, and when I'm done, I'll get back into Red Rising. I know you'll bug me forever if I don't. As you well should.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>You know, for a second there I didn't even remember that date. It's been weeks now. How about that?</p><p>We both decided it wasn't going to work out. It was fun for a while, but just a fling in the end. You know how it goes.</p><p>(Or do you? lol)</p><p>Thanks for asking, though. Not that I need you to go all protective big brother with me, but it's nice to know you care.</p><p>...unless this wasn't a sibling-like reaction from you and you're actually jealous?</p><p>Come on, you can tell me. ;)</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>I'm not jealous. I'm concerned and curious. Mostly curious. Of course, I didn't think there was anything to be concerned about. Like I said, you're smart.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>Thank you for the compliment. Calling me smarter than hyper-intelligent super spies is clearly overstated, but I appreciate it regardless.</p><p>Anyway, you're reading again! Awesome! I was afraid I'd have to assign you more homework.</p><p>What part are you up to? Did you get to the Institute yet? I don't know how much I can talk about without spoiling anything.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>I'm only a few chapters in. Something about miners on Mars?</p><p>It's definitely interesting so far and I'm excited to see where it goes. I know in your rec list, you said the main character reminds you of me. I'm not really seeing it yet, but I'll keep you posted.</p><p>Any suggestions on what I should read next?</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18<br/></span>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>The second book in the series, I guess.</p><p>Sorry, I don't have many more suggestions right now. No real reason why, I'm just kind of out of it today.</p><p>That ever happen to you? It's like nothing's wrong and no one's stressing you out, but you're just kind of sick of everything and don't want to do anything except stare at the wall? I don't get like that often, but this has definitely been one of those days. I haven't even gotten out of bed yet and it's almost one in the afternoon. Thank God Jane is in meetings all day or she'd have reamed me out by now.</p><p>I know I'm whining, but you're probably the only person I can whine to. Jane's a good friend, but she's kind of self-involved right now. Understandable, given the whole 'trying to reach Asgard' thing, but it would be nice to have a few conversations that don't revolve around bridge technology.</p><p>That's why I'm glad to have you, Steve. Weird to think a literal living legend has become my main confidante, but that's life I guess. You never know what it's going to throw at you.</p><p>Not that I need to tell you that. You probably see more bizarre stuff every day than I did in twenty years. I can't think of any other reason why you'd see me reference actual living Norse gods twice and never say a word.</p><p>I'd better go now and get some food before my stomach digests itself. That's what I get for skipping breakfast.</p><p>Your Friend (BFF at this point maybe),</p><p>Darcy</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>To be honest, the first time you mentioned gods I thought you were kidding. I only believe in one god, and I don't think He'd dress like that. I figured it was a joke or hyperbole. Then on a whim, I did a google search.</p><p>There are a lot of articles about Puente Antiguo.</p><p>I won't lie and say I don't have questions. I must've started a hundred emails, but always deleted them in the end. Every time, I had a new excuse. It was too long, too wordy, too invasive, bad timing, I was too hungry/tired/busy to finish. Whatever minuscule thing I could use to avoid the subject of Norse gods, I'd take it.</p><p>For a while, I didn't know why I was hesitating so much. Seems like a logical thing to want to talk about, and I did want to talk about it. But then I realized, I wanted to talk about your workday so much more. I wanted to ask for your opinion on a movie I watched. I wanted to know what you thought of cookies and cream ice cream.</p><p>I don't want to talk about Thor because I want to talk about you. There's nothing I like more than hearing about you telling off assholes or going to bars or even out on dates. To know that the real world still exists and that people like you live in it. You're the only real friend I have. The only thing in this world that gives me any peace.</p><p>I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound too desperate, but every word of it is true. I want you to know that.</p><p>Your Friend,</p><p>Steve</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>Yesterday, I got three papercuts on the same finger. Two of them are in pretty much the exact same spot. And then I accidentally touched a lemon.</p><p>It still hurts a little to type, but it's the most average, mundane story I've got today.</p><p>Your Friend,<br/>Darcy</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>Thank you, Darcy.</p><p>Thank you so much.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>
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</p><p>Hey Steve,</p><p>I just saw that today is Peggy Carter's birthday. Might be weird to send you a card for someone else's day, but I figured you could use it. Plus, I don't know Peggy Carter's address.</p><p>Sorry if this is inappropriate. I've never been the best at reading the room as… most people who know me will tell you.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>No, it's okay. Thank you for the card. A virtual hug may not be the same as the real thing, but it still feels nice.</p><p>I'm actually spending the day with Peggy and her children. They're all nice kids and I've gotten to hear a lot of stories about their father. His name was Daniel. A real good guy from the sound of it. I think they were afraid to bring him up at first, but I didn't mind. I'm glad to hear that Peggy found someone good for her.</p><p>It really was good to talk to her again. I thought it would be harder, but she's always had a way of putting people at ease. She says I must have a type since you're the same way.</p><p>We're about to go out for dinner, but I wanted to send you a quick reply first. Thanks again and I'll talk to you later.</p><p>Steve</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>Phew, thank God.</p><p>I was worried I'd cartwheeled over a massive boundary right there.</p><p>Congrats on getting along with the kids. That's a very important step in the relationship process (lol don't mind me I'm on a 'thank god he doesn't hate me' relief high). I imagine they're all super spies who carry lipstick tasers and pen guns and know fifty styles of kung-fu and how to break someone's neck between their fingers</p><p>They could also be average joes too I suppose, but considering who their mother is, one can't help but wonder.</p><p>Wait, you told her about me?</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>Of course. How could I not?</p><p>I didn't go into too much detail, but she knows how we met and that we've been talking for the last couple of months. I showed her the picture you sent and the list you gave me (she added a few suggestions of her own). She was happy to hear about you. I think she was worried that I'd throw myself into work and become a hermit. To be honest, I'm not that far off.</p><p>I showed her the card you sent and told her that you wished her a happy birthday. She wanted me to tell you how grateful she is that I have you as a friend because 'maybe you won't jump out of so many planes if you have someone sensible to hold you back.'</p><p>She asked me to quote that directly for you.</p><p>She also wanted me to tell you, quote 'I hope you're as tough as you sound. It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it.' Then she laughed and patted my hand.</p><p>I don't get it, but maybe you do.</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>You know, I think I do…</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>
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</p><p>Darcy,</p><p>I'm sorry I haven't messaged lately. I won't make any excuses as I'm sure you know what they'll be.</p><p>A lot has happened since we last spoke. I got a new team together, saved the world a few more times, and I took up oil painting. That last one I'm not too good at yet, but I've been taking classes on the side and my professor says I'm improving. I've attached a piece I'm particularly proud of and I hope this isn't too weird for you.</p><p>Anyway, since you probably already know about the world-saving part, here's some real news: I'm moving.</p><p>Tony Stark, despite my initial impression of him, has turned out to be a solid guy, and he's invited me and the rest of the team to take up residence at his Manhattan tower. Officially, it's Stark Tower, but I keep seeing Avengers Tower in the news, so you might know it better by that name. I wasn't sure at first (I was only just getting used to my old place), but Tony is more persuasive than you'd think. As the leader of the boy band (his words), it's my sacred duty to protect the people and put the private boxing ring and art studio next to my apartment to good use.</p><p>What can I say? The man knows me.</p><p>I have all my packing done. It didn't take too long since most of my worldly possessions would fit inside a hatbox. The last few weeks have been a constant stream of missions, meetings, and attending public events. I have to do that now for some reason. Also I keep getting requests from the NYSED to film some educational videos for use in public schools. I haven't returned any of their calls yet but I have a feeling they're going to wear me down.</p><p>This is the first time in over a week that I've had time to sit down and write. I'm sorry to say I haven't picked up Red Rising in a while. I'm going to try and get a chapter in when I finish typing this. Sorry if there are any spelling errors. I usually looked over my emails before sending them but I'm already up late as it is. I know you won't like hearing that, but if there's one thing I've learned, it's not to waste a single second. As long as I can stay awake, I'm going to, because there's a lot I want to do. Including tell you again how amazing you are.</p><p>Have I done that lately? Probably not.</p><p>I think I'll have more chances, though. I just found out that we're getting a few new additions to the tower. A certain astrophysicist Tony is dying to work with. Word on the street is she's bringing an intern.</p><p>You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>First, tell me one thing:</p><p>Did you mean it when you called me beautiful?</p><hr/><p>From: <span>Steve-Rogers1<br/></span>To: <span>DLewis18</span></p><p>Tell me one thing:</p><p>Do you want to get coffee sometime?</p><hr/><p>From: <span>DLewis18 </span><br/>To: <span>Steve-Rogers1</span></p><p>
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</p><p>Like you even have to ask. ;)</p>
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